I Haven’t wanted to write much. The thought of opening myself up to others assumptions and judgements makes me dizzy. This may be influenced by the fact that I started working last August and most times I feel as though I’m sitting near the bottom rung on the ladder of fortitude and resolve. I’ve all but checked-out. I’m done psycho-analyzing. It’s redundant. It’s counter-productive; non-productive. At this point I don’t care why I am what I am. I only want to exist and try to be content while it’s happening. I’ve been told I’m an ‘easy mark’ and that this makes me fun. Fun for who? Not for me. Like I said, I’ve been hanging out at the bottom rung, kickin’ stones, sometimes stretching skyward for the next rung but always falling back to the ground. I don’t want to make myself an even ‘easier mark’ by writing too much about me or about my experiences. I still have things to share, they will just be meted out a little at a time. Sometimes this illness kicks me in the head and sometimes it whispers in my ear. When it whispers I always seem to be at the top of the ladder…