What do you do when you cannot reconcile the opinions people have of you based on others judgements and stories? I have been diagnosed as mentally ill since my late 20′s, I am now in my mid 40′s. However, not all of my life experiences during that time-frame have been related to mental illness. I am bipolar. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a female. I am a human being. It is disappointing to know that there are people unable to postulate their own conclusions based on their experiences. Do relationships need to be so complicated? I continually feel as though I am being blind-sided. I’m bouncing along in the slow lane when wham, I’m suddenly in a ditch. I read once that a common phrase uttered by bipolar people is ‘why does life have to be so difficult’? I choked on my own spit when I read that because I have used that expression too many times. I am currently in a depressive state. Sometimes I think we can all feel a little Cumbersome (song by Seven Mary Three) to others.
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I love your analogy! ‘A wheel sticks and I am spinning in circles or grinding to a stop.’ Perfect for obsessive thinking, a never-ending circle then when it does stop it’s hard and you fall from exhaustion into a deep depression. I love it. Thanks for sharing.
I will add you too
As the years continue on the hurts build and build and it’s tougher to file them away… I don’t know why love is not enough maybe it’s the unconditional love we crave that is so hard to find. I’m always here to for you.
I feel the same way all the time… mostly in the last few years. Used to not care what other people thought – which is weird since I lost that ability as as I gained confidence in myself. It’s a contradiction. I never realized how lucky I was before I hit my 30s. I thought my 20s were difficult but back then my family was in tact, I had a great social life, money to burn, and I didn’t have a broken heart from loving a man who cannot love me back. How is it we allow ourselves to be surrounded by love but it’s still not enough?
I just found your blog, and I’ll will add it to ones that I read often. This is my link to mine:
http://two-lives-one-mind.blogspot.com/
i am diagnosed as bipolar ii … diagnosis was only last year (i am 47) after a lifetime of depression.
i have come to have this image of me in my brain that i am like one of those shopping carts that looks ok, seems to be doing ok, then — WHAM! — a wheel sticks and i am spinning in circles or grinding to a stop. or i am like a table that looks good, seems to function just fine, them one too many things lean on me and a leg collapses and i am broken and on the floor.
i enjoyed the song you linked to. it resonated.