Being bipolar has made it impossible to engage in some of the activities I previously had. I went to my psychiatrist a few days ago to get my meds refilled. I was joking with her how I cannot gamble, drink alcohol or eat sugar and now I have been put on a low fat/no fat diet and how this last ‘cannot’ has put me over the edge. A low fat diet? I’m the one who eats a bowl of melted cheese with a fork and calls it a grilled cheese without bread. I’ll deep fry french fries and eat them with a mound of melted shredded cheese. And butter? If I was able to put butter on whatever had melted cheese then utopia had been achieved. I was and always will be a cheese and butter snob. The low fat/no fat diet is not bipolar-induced but it has caused a depressive episode. My doctor suggested we find something to replace the things I can longer do. I said I could always take an ativan. Silence. More silence. She refilled my prescriptions and sent me on my way. When I got home I noticed that my ativan was refilled for only six months and not the usual year as my other meds were. Of course I was joking about the ativan. I take ativan as a maintenance drug and I do not use it other than prescribed. But I realized I now have nothing to give me that intoxicated feeling except my mania. It used to be that I would get a gambling rush, an alcohol buzz, a sugar high and a fatty food daze. I guess I will need to wait for my manic side to show up so that I can have a good time (to a point). I’ll always remember something a friend of my son said after seeing my husband and I returning from a Christmas party. He said, ‘Wow, your mom is really funny when she’s drunk.” My son replied, “My mom doesn’t drink.”
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