This is the same little girl that lived at the end of the lane. Occasionally she has things to say, memories to share so I will be writing about her from time to time.
She has a memory of being trapped against a bathroom wall. Two arms on either side of her. The wall behind her is smooth, beige tile and a white towel dispenser is mounted next to her head. She can see a face descending to hers but only focuses on the mouth, the lips parted slightly, almost reaching her own and then the memory is gone. She considers the image to be sexual and illicit and the encounter causes her uneasiness. She knows the bathroom. It is the bathroom from her elementary school, fourth or fifth grade. Is it a real memory or a false memory put there by after-school specials and public service announcements? She has never explored this memory any further than a thought here and there. But what if? What if something did happen in that bathroom? Does it make a difference? Would knowing, addressing it and putting it away somehow alter the way she lives her life now? She recalls times throughout her adolescence of various experimentation phases with playmates and friends involving quasi-sexual situations. Was this due to any type of sexual abuse during her formative years? Maybe not. According to the National Association on Mental Illness (NAMI), and in relation to bipolar children, ” Hypersexual behavior can occur in children without any evidence of physical or sexual abuse in children who are manic. These children act flirtatious beyond their years, may try to touch the private areas of adults (including teachers) and use explicit sexual language.” The memory of the bathroom is still real. It’s other sexual situations, other libertine incidents with playmates and friends initiated by her as a girl that now may have a different name, a different face and a different place to call home.

